Bottoms Up: An Application of the Slapstick to Satire

Broadway playwright—one who possesses the ability to compress the most interesting episodes in several characters’ lifetimes into two uninteresting hours. The art of emotional acting, on Broadway, consists in expressing (1) doubt or puzzlement, by scratching the head; (2) surprise, by taking a sudden step backwards; (3) grief, by turning the back to audience and bowing head; (4) determination (if standing), by thrusting handkerchief back into breast pocket, brushing hair back from fore-head with a quick sweep of hand and buttoning lower button of sack coat; (5)determination (if seated), by looking fixedly at audience for a moment and then suddenly standing up; (6)despair, by rumpling hair, sinking upon sofa, reaching over to table, pouring out stiff drink of whiskey and swallowing it at one gulp; (7) impatience, by walking quickly up stage, then down, taking cigarette from case, lighting it and throwing it immediately into grate, walking back up stage again and then down; (8)relief, by taking deep breath, exhaling quickly and mopping off face with handkerchief; and (9) fear, by having smeared face with talcum powder!