The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer

The popular humorist discusses the intricacies of being a man, from beauty routines and DIY projects to Star Wars and the Superbowl.

Everyone loves Dave Barry. His irreverent bestselling books incite universal laughter. In “The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind is Beer” and Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry, Dave goes on a testosterone riff, enlightening all about the intricacies of being male. Men everywhere can relate to this book’s hilarious truths, from botched do-it-yourself projects to Super Bowl party etiquette to correctly answering the common female question, “How do I look?”

* “Most men think of themselves as average looking. Being average does not bother them; average is fine for men. This is why men never ask anybody how they look. Their primary form of beauty care is to shave themselves, which is essentially the same form of beauty care they give their lawns. If, at the end of his four-minute daily beauty regimen, a man has managed to wipe most of the shaving cream out of his hair and is not bleeding too badly, he feels he has done all he can, so he stops thinking about his appearance and devotes his mind to more critical issues, such as the Super Bowl.”

* “If you’re a man, at some point a woman will ask you how she looks. “How do I look?” she’ll ask. You must be careful how you answer this question. The best technique is to form an honest yet sensitive opinion, then collapse on the floor with some kind of fatal seizure. Trust me, this is the easiest way out. Because you will never come up with the right answer.”

* “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”